


colors | seungjin

by littlefreckles



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: I still don't know how to use ao3 properly, M/M, enjoy!!, hwang hyunjin - Freeform, hyunjin, hyunmin, kim seungmin - Freeform, seungjin - Freeform, seungmin - Freeform, stray kids - Freeform, thats all i guess, what exactly is their ship name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 11:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13717077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefreckles/pseuds/littlefreckles
Summary: color me like that red sunset so I won't lose myself





	colors | seungjin

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy the word vomit that I started at like 9pm and finished at almost 5am,,, the grammar is a mess,,,, the story is a mess,,,,, it sucks,,,, I am a mess,,,,, if you're reading this I'm sorry,,,,,

being alone, to some people, is a scary thing. hyunjin, however, has long learned to enjoy his own company. the concept of being by himself; he doesn't really mind it. in fact, he enjoys the perks that come with it. 

he likes drinking tea alone, eating alone, reading alone, riding the bus alone. he isn't, by any means, a loner. he isn't an introvert either, by the way. 

it's just; hyunjin finds comfort in being by himself. it gives him time to think and set his busy mind free from all the stress in the world.

which precisely describes why he's currently sitting at a park not very far from home on a saturday evening instead of being out partying with his friends, with a book in hand and just constantly reading for what's probably a few hours now. his eyes are starting hurt. he yawns, before finally closing the book. 

hyunjin sighs in content, taking in the quietness of his surroundings as his gaze darts around all over the place. it comes to a stop as his eyes land on a boy sitting three benched away from his, silently and absentmindedly staring into the distance. 

hyunjin knows the boy. actually, "knows" is a stretch. it's just, he usually sees him sitting at that same spot when he walks back home from school. and every time hyunjin catches a sight of him, he's always with the company of another boy who looks a tad older than the both of them. 

sometimes he would be smiling, sometimes he would be laughing softly at probably a joke that the older boy makes. conclusion is; he is almost always never alone, so it makes hyunjin wonder why he is now sitting on the bench alone, mostly likely unaware of the fews fallen leaves that rest themselves on his hair due to the big tree behind the bench.

something in his head urges that he should go and talk to him. and after some internal monologue, hyunjin stands up, his book long forgotten, before walking towards the bench where the other boy sits. 

once there, he stands awkwardly as the other doesn't seem to notice or acknowledge his presence. his lips are pressed in a thin line as he contemplated whether or not he was making the right decision by coming over.

"uh hello?" he exclaims, a little bit unsure at the end. 

the boy turns to face him with a surprise look plastered on his face, "are you talking to me?"

hyunjin's face scrunches up in what is akin to embarrassment as he scratches the back of his head in an awkward manner.

"i see you here a lot so uh- i thought i should come and say hi. i'm hyunjin!" he rambles, extending a hand out for a handshake, which unfortunately, is left unreturned as the other boy continues to stare at his face without a word.

a few seconds pass by before hyunjin drops his hand back down. 

"is handshake uncomfortable to you? i'm sorry-" he mutters before getting cut off by a loud gasp. 

hyunjin whips his head to see an absolutely mortified look on the other's face as he begins to apologize profusely.

"oh my god, i'm sorry! i must have seemed very rude to not respond to your handshake- it's just- you see, i can't really see- i mean- i-" he pauses as another horrified look spreads across his face.

and then it's quiet as he's completely frozen after the burst of word vomit while hyunjin is too shocked to say anything.

a moment passes by before he finally clears his throat and speaks up.

"um actually, i cannot see you. wait- what i mean is that uh- i'm blind. yeah- that's it. i'm blind and i can't see which is why i wasn't aware of your handshake. also, i'm seungmin, by the way." he holds his hand out and this time, hyunjin does the same, shaking it softly with his own hand. 

"would you like to sit down? if you don't mind sitting next to me, of course." seungmin asks.

hyunjin nods, forgetting for a brief moment that the other boy cannot see him, before eventually sitting down on the space beside him.

"do you come here often?" seungmin asks another question. hyunjin hums softly.

"sometimes. i pass by here everyday while walking home from school, though. and everyday, i'd see you here sitting with your friend. speaking of which, where is he today? why did he leave you here alone?" he asks back.

seungmin laughs lightly. "you make it sound like he made a grave mistake. anyway, that's chan hyung. something came up all of a sudden so he can't accompany me."

still unconvinced, hyunjin adds, "but still, how could he leave you here alone to fend for yourself when you ca-" he pauses just in time to stop himself from finishing, upon realizing how insensitive he sounds. 

"that was stupid and insensitive- i'm sorry!" he exclaims. seungmin chuckles before brushing it off. 

"it's alright, i know you mean no harm. he was actually making a fuss about how he couldn't just leave me here. it took awhile for me to successfully reassure him that i'll be fine on my own." 

hyunjin mutters a small "oh" at his explanation. 

"so where do you live? is it close?" hyunjin asks, breaking the silence. 

seungmin nods. "i live a couple of blocks from here. there's a park nearby as well but i like it here."

hyunjin's eyebrows furrow in curiosity and confusion.

"why so?" 

"it's much quieter here. it gives me comfort, somehow." seungmin smiles a little. 

hyunjin smiles as well, "me too. i feel calm being here." 

they sit in silence for awhile, listening to sound of birds chirping as seungmin grabs onto the sleeves of his sweater, pulling it over his fingers whenever the wind blows a bit too strong.

seungmin freezes in surprise as hyunjin suddenly leans in. he feels the other boy reach out and grab something from above his head. after that, hyunjin grins and holds up a few dead leaves, forgetting for a moment that the other cannot see anyway. 

"i saw these on your head awhile back but forgot and only remember about them just now."

seungmin's ears turn red in embarrassment as he mutters a small "thank you".

they almost jump when someone suddenly yells seungmin's name. hyunjin sees a guy running from the distance before stopping as he reaches where they're sitting.

he pants and bends down to catch his breath, before looking up, his face brightening at the sight of seungmin. 

"seungmin! i'm back! sorry for being gone for so long!" he exclaims, completely unaware of hyunjin's existence.

"hyung, calm down. you sound like you just ran a marathon." oh by the way, this is hyunjin, my new friend." 

he finishes, pointing at hyunjin. it's only at that moment that older boy notice him sitting there. a big smile spread across his face as he exclaims again, this time even louder than the first, before abruptly pulling hyunjin into a tight hug. 

"hyunjin! it's nice to meet you! i'm glad seungmin finally made another friend!" 

seungmin pouts at his words, making the both of them chuckle. 

"hey, you make it sound like i have no friends!" he retorts.

chan chuckles a bit more and sits down at the other side of seungmin before giving his forehead a hard flick. 

seungmin almost screams. "that hurts."

chan laughs again. "my dear cousin, what i meant is, minus me; two friends aren't enough. what are you going to do if there comes a situation where neither felix nor jisung are presented? that is why i'm so happy you made a new friend." 

seungmin huffs but doesn't protest because he's fully aware that what chan is saying is true. 

seeing as to how he has reduced seungmin to silence, chan stands up and turns to hyunjin. 

"anyway, we have to go now or auntie is going to worry since we've been out for so long. thanks for looking after my cousin, hyunjin!" he says, bidding the younger boy a goodbye.

seungmin stands up as well and turns to his right side to face hyunjin.

"it was nice to meet you, hyunjin!" he exclaims enthusiastically before getting dragged away by chan.

chan turns back, yelling. "bye, hyunjin!"

seungmin turns back as well and waves happily. "see you tomorrow, hyunjin!"

∞∞

the next day, hyunjin's feet take him to the park again. he's surprised (but not disappointed) to see seungmin sitting there alone again with no sight of chan anywhere. 

"chan hyung is busy again?" hyunjin asks and takes a sit on the bench. seungmin nods.

"hyunjin, what's your favorite color?" he asks.

hyunjin doesn't hesitate before answering, "i like red and blue!"

seungmin gives a small "hmm". 

hyunjin asks back, "what about yours? do you have a favorite color?"

the other shakes his head softly. "i've never seen colors." seungmin smiles, but the smile doesn't looks the way it always does.

it makes hyunjin feel horrible for asking. and seungmin must have sensed it because he pats his hand softly before asking another question.

"can you describe the color red for me?"

hyunjin thinks for a moment. 

"hmm, let me see. red, there's so much stuff in this world that is red. a can of coke is red. it's astonishing. it stands out, and it grabs your attention. in traffic lights, red means stop. in some other cases, red means trouble. red is anger and sometimes, the anger is so red it completely makes you forget everything other than the fire that's burning inside of you. but red could be love. it could be the color of the way your heart flutters when you're with someone. it could be the color of the way fire ignites when their fingers touch your skin or the way a flood of emotions hits you like a ocean wave, and you hold on anyway because that's what makes it so special. that's what makes you feel special."

seungmin is quiet for a moment, hyunjin thinks he probably speaks too much. "was that over the top? i'm sorry, i got kind of carried awa-"

"oh no, it's okay, really. how about blue? what is it like?"

his question throws hyunjin into another loop as he struggles to find an answer. 

"blue is nice. it's the way you feel when a cool breeze touches your skin. when you're swimming in water, the wetness feels relaxing; that's how blue feels. blue is the color of the sky and the sea, like the blue winter sky and the ocean in spring. it stands for sadness, perhaps like when you're crying, but you're not sure exactly why or like the tug at your heart when a loved one is gone. it could be ecstasy; it feels like you're floating, like the clouds in the sky. blue is the color of your healing bruises. like; it still hurts, but you know you're going to be okay after awhile. blue is peace, it's quiet and open and free. it's the color that you feel when you sigh in content and breathe in fresh air. it can be charmingly vibrant and outgoing. it can be as dark and deep as the sky during a starry night with infinite possibilities. or it can be the relaxation and peace you feel as you lay in a field of grass as a gentle breeze blows across your face. blue is a lot of things all in just one color."

he finishes, turning to look at seungmin who's listening intently, his lips parted a little, forming a small "o". hyunjin snaps his fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to reality. 

"sorry, i was too focused on imagining. now i can understand why you like those two colors. both of them sound lovely." 

hyunjin laughs. "so? which one do you like? blue or red?"

seungmin took a moment to think, his lips forming a straight line in concentration.

"um- i think blue? i like the way it feels." he answers. 

hyunjin laughs again. "why do you sound uncertain?"

seungmin sighs in frustration. 

"i don't know! both of them sound very nice. it's hard to pick just one. but i'll go with blue, i guess. fire is not my thing." he made a face, causing hyunjin to laugh for the third time. 

seungmin does nothing to mention the fact that his heart skips a beat whenever the other boy laughs. or the fact that it fluttered when he's listening to hyunjin talk so passionately about his favorite colors.

∞∞

"hey hyunjin, can you describe how you look like for me?" seungmin suddenly asks in the middle of their meet up session one day. it's been a little over a week now, and neither of them have become tired of each other yet. 

hyunjin ponders at the question for awhile before attempting to answer.

"how i look like? well, i look okay, i guess. a bit above average maybe?" he brags, making seungmin laugh. 

"i think it's the opposite." seungmin comments. hyunjin scoffs jokingly.

"oh please, you could already tell from my voice alone that i'm attractive as hell."

seungmin laughs again so he continues. 

"anyway, i have dark brown hair and thick lips that are almost always pink. my eyes are small but not that small while my lips are pretty thick. i think, and i know it's true, that my nose looks very good. also, i'm tall, by the way, and i look good in everything." he finishes.

seungmin snorts. "i asked you to describe yourself for me, not to exaggerate everything."

hyunjin pouted. "there wasn't any exaggeration, though. everything i said is true."

"alright, whatever floats your boat."

hyunjin huffs before suddenly blurting out a question, catching seungmin completely off guard.

"why does chan hyung rarely accompany you here anymore? he only drops you off and picks you up nowadays." hyunjin suddenly asks. the question makes seungmin hesitate a little before answering but he doesn't see it.

"uh- he's been busy these days. got a new job and such." 

hyunjin nods understandingly. "that must be so tiring."

"yeah, i guess." seungmin mutters quietly.

"oh!" out of nowhere, hyunjin suddenly exclaimed. 

"how about I walk you home today? since chan hyung is busy and all that jazz." hyunjin sounds very excited and though seungmin couldn't see, he could tell that hyunjin is probably looking very much like a bright sun at this very moment (but then again, who is he trying to fool, he's never even seen the sun before).

"sure, if you don't mind having to guide me all the way through........" seungmin's voice trails off as he becomes aware of the burden he would be if hyunjin decides to walk with him.

hyunjin clicks his tongue in mock-annoyance. 

"that will be my concern. plus, i'll get to hold your hand all the way there, so that's an advantage, isn't it?" he answers, a teasing tone in his voice. 

seungmin looks down as heat spreads across his face. hyunjin grins and stands up, taking the other boy's hand in his and pulling him up, so they're standing face to face.

"let's go! wouldn't want to keep your mum waiting, would we? and if i'm lucky, your mum might even invite me in for some tea." 

hyunjin hums softly as they walk, hands intertwined. 

about fifteen minutes later, both stand in front of seungmin's house. still not letting go of his hand, hyunjin steps forward and rings the doorbell. almost instantly, the door opens, revealing the sight of a middle-aged woman who looks very similar to seungmin. hyunjin assumes it's his mum.

"hello, mrs. kim. i've brought seungmin home since i heard that chan hyung is busy nowadays." he greets.

seungmin's mum smiles warmly. "please, just call me auntie. hyunjin, aren't you? seungmin here rarely ever stops talking about you to me and his friends!" 

her little exposé causes seungmin's ears immediately turn red. hyunjin turns to look at him in a mixture of both surprise and amusement.

"really? you talked about me?"

seungmin groans in embarrassment. as if she just remembers, seungmin's mum exclaims, "oh my, how forgetful of me! come in and have some tea, hyunjin!" 

with his mum's suggestion, seungmin knows it's time for the abort mission. 

"it's okay, mum. hyunjin is just leavin-" his master plan is burnt down to the ground when hyunjin opens his mouth and happily says,

"oh, that's a great idea! i love tea!" 

as mentioned above, seungmin's master plan to kick hyunjin out is burnt down to the ground when the other boy decides to open his mouth. which leads to them now lounging in his room, with seungmin sitting on his bed while hyunjin  
is occupying the swivel chair in front of his desk. 

the plate of cookies and cups of tea are empty as hyunjin had devoured everything awhile ago. so now they're just sitting in silence as hyunjin continuously swivels around in the chair.

after the awhile, the swiveling stops, and seungmin figures he's probably looking at him when hyunjin suddenly asks, 

"hey seungmin, have you ever been kissed before?"

his question causes seungmin to almost choke on his own spit, but he plays it cool and answers in the most normal and most unaffected voice.

"that's ridiculous, hyunjin. who would ever kiss a blind person like me?" 

his answer makes hyunjin feel like someone just grabbed a fistful of his heart and squeezed it. 

"i would." he whispers.

seungmin looks confused. "huh?"

hyunjin bites his lower lip and stands up before climbing onto the bed, the mattress dipping as he settles down next to seungmin.

"i said i would kiss you. whether or not you can see, i would kiss you." he leans in a little closer and though seungmin couldn't see, the hot breath against his face indicated that they're indeed very close. his breath hitches as their forehead touch.

"hyunjin...." his voice wavers as it comes out, exhilarated from the tension between the two of them. his head tilts slightly as hyunjin gets impossibly closer and their lips come into contact with each other. 

they kiss and the world melts away somehow. it feels soft and nice. like a chilly day in october, like the wind that blows your hair back or like cold, gentle breeze that makes you feel tingly inside. hyunjin gently caresses seungmin's cheek as their breaths mingle. their lips never part as his arms encircle around seungmin's waist, pulling him in until there's no space left between them. 

euphoric warmth radiates from where their lips touch, slowing spreading through the rest of his entire body. seungmin could feel how hard hyunjin's heart is beating against his chest. it feels nice to know that he has that kind of effect on the other boy, too. 

with one arm still on seungmin's waist, hyunjin reaches out his other arm and takes seungmin's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. 

they break away for air awhile later. a smile makes its face to seungmin's face as they both hold tightly onto their intertwined hands. 

∞∞

hyunjin's lips curve into a huge smile as a familiar figure comes into sight. he begins to quickly jog toward their usual spot. 

seungmin turns to the direction of his footsteps and gives a small smile as he hears his voice. 

"how's my favorite person doing today?" hyunjin asks cheekily, sitting down next to him.

a shade of pink color seungmin's cheeks as he lightly gives him a light hit on the shoulder.

hyunjin exclaims, "hey, i'm serious! you're my favorite person."

seungmin just laughs. 

"you know, chan hyung is actually not that busy." seungmin suddenly reveals. hyunjin looks at him in confusion.

"huh? then why hasn't he been accompanying you?" 

seungmin smiles shyly. "it's because i asked him not to. i wanted to spend more time alone with you....." 

his voice trails off as a shade of pink color his cheeks again, only this time a little darker.

hyunjin's face broke into a wide grin at his reason.

"aww, you're so cute. what did i do to deserve you?" he murmurs fondly before pulling seungmin into a hug. they stay like that for awhile, with hyunjin's arms wrapped around seungmin as the latter rest his head onto the comfort of his chest.

"hey hyunjin, can you turn to face me?"

"why? are you going to kiss me?" he asks. seungmin chuckles.

"wait for that in your dream. anyway, can you close your eyes for a moment?" he asks.

though a bit puzzled at the strange request, hyunjin does as he's told. a few seconds pass before he feels seungmin's hand on his face. it travels down from his forehead to his cheek. his thumb gently caresses his each and every one of his facial features ,as if trying to remember every inch of his face, as if trying to memorize the way every single one of them feels to his touch.

he doesn't like this feeling, hyunjin decides. it feels like there's something seungmin isn't telling him. he opens his eyes, just as seungmin's thumb was on his lips, and grabs his hand. seungmin jolts back a little in surprise.

"what are you doing?" he asks.

seungmin stays quiet for a few seconds before eventually flashing him a smile. 

"making a reminder for myself so i'll never forget the you feel like."

then he leans in and places his lips on hyunjin's own plump ones. an overwhelming sense of relief takes over his body as their lips move again each other. 

but at the back of hyunjin's head, he knows there's a certain uneasiness lying somewhere beneath the relief, hidden quietly like a nightmare just waiting to be experienced.

∞∞

the next day, seungmin doesn't show up at the park. 

then another next day and there's still no sight of seungmin or chan anywhere. 

after a week of seungmin's disappearance from their usual meet up spot, hyunjin decides to go to his house to look for answer. 

his heart breaks as he stands in front of the unoccupied house. it still looks the same way it did when he first came over. except now there's no light on inside anymore.

another week go by and seungmin is still nowhere to be found. 

eventually, a week turns into a month, a month turns into a year, but hyunjin still remembers the day they first started talking so clearly. he still remembers the way seungmin's eyes sometimes disappear when he laughs; the way his bottom lip sticks out when he's so focused on something; the way his smile is so bright and warm; and the way he laughs, so alive and radiant. 

hyunjin longs for a way to hear his name roll off seungmin's tongue again. he longs to feel the way seungmin would smile into their kiss when he wrapped his around the other boy's waist and pull him closer. 

and now, hyunjin slips into the cover, ready to go onto another night of dreams filled with seungmin's face. he closes his eyes and tries to drift off to sleep.

∞∞

hyunjin opens his eyes, almost closing them back immediately as the bright light blocks him from making sense of what's actually happening. he tries to move one of his arm, only to wince in pain as it is attached with an iv drip. 

he's mildly startled as someone suddenly came up to him, sounding like she's on the verge of hysteria.

"hyunjin honey, you're finally awake! thank goodness! we thought y-you would n-never-" she didn't get to finish as her emotions take over, she breaks into a flood of tears.

it's only then that he realizes that the person is his mum. and that he's no longer in the comfort of his room. 

_but what happened? where is seungmin?_

"mum, what happened? where is this place? why am i here? wasn't i just sleeping at home?" he asks. somehow, something tells him he isn't ready for the answers to his questions just yet.

his mum sniffles before answering, "oh honey, you were sleeping, but you didn't wake up. no matter how much we tried to get to conscious, nothing worked. it's been weeks since you've been lying on this hospital bed, hyunjin."

hyunjin's body freeze as shock washes over him. 

_unconscious? but i've been awake the whole time! with seungmin!_

"w-where is seungmin?" he asks shakily. his body begins to tremble as tears threaten to flow out. 

his mum looks at him in confusion. "seungmin? who is that? all of your friends came to visit everyday but as far as i know there isn't a seungmin."

he slumps down in devastation, tears beging to stream down his face as reality settles in. he could feel something break inside of him.

everything was nothing but a figment of his imagination. 

the seungmin he loves is gone forever. he was never here. 

seungmin never existed.

hyunjin wishes he never woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally went and googled how people kiss and how to describe colors and all that jazz I'm such a dumbass


End file.
